praise isn't always proportional to effort
how do you measure performance? hours (this isn't great), lines of code (supports inefficiency), bugs & tests (doesn't work), features (how do you measure the effort though)
the better you are at your job, the less people know about it because you don't ask for help or lean on others -- you gain autonomy
in teams without managers each member is actually expected to be a manager -- someone still has to lead
we need leadership, not likership
Abraham Lincoln lost almost all elections and failed at what he did until he was 51 and became president
leadership is a decision not a position
positive use of power is good leadership
sources of power: formal & informal
informal power is charisma, expertise, or relationship based
charisma - you have it or you don't. luckily it's not required
expertise - educate yourself and you'll gain it
relationship - build trust (it is essential)
what is trust? your relationships with everyone are important (it is a weighted graph)
elements of trust: relationship architecture, reputation, contribution
contribution - what you do, setting an example, practicing what you preach (never ask something of someone you wouldn't do yourself)
have integrity - even when people aren't watching
ask for engineering integrity - how does the system fare a few years after go live
know your timing - analyze (incorporate) -> estimate -> (confidence) -> actual -> (validate) -> analyze
being on time shows you think other people's time is as important as your time
... and if you show up on time you've predicted the future accurately
think about your coworkers - who is the person you admire the most? what qualities? Now, think about yourself, do you have those qualities?
make sure others feel that you feel they are important - when you walk around imagine everyone is wearing a sign that says "i want to feel important today" - how can you help them with that
celebrate wins - let people know when they've done a job well - help people celebrate
be open to ideas that sound wrong. ideas are fragile. take an interest in other's ideas. take a moment before responding... then explore the idea
empathy and attitude - when you come to work you should have sunshine not rain clouds. be cautious about commiserating with people. listen with empathy, but try to have good attitude and not take sides, but instead reframe (are we sitting on a boat in the rain, or are we on a great adventure?)
relationship architecture - it's the trust graph of your relationships with others. Make 2 ordered lists: 1. the most important people on your team (those that get things done) 2. the people you have the best relationships with
there should be a lot of overlap in these lists. you need to be more intentional with your relationships
you are the average of your five best friends
start with the leaders. don't' focus on title, look for the people that everyone follows. the people who stand up and everyone follows.
relationship troubleshooting
- relationships are like filmstrips
- apologize swiftly and sincerely (don't go to boss or HR)
- don't deflect when there is confrontation
archetypes - the jerk - dealing with difficult people - pause - a lot of times people are difficult because they need recognition or to feel important
- sharkasm - the passive aggressive - seek resolution with someone's interests not their position - people hear what they want to hear
- the outspoken one - has opinion on anything - sometimes experts - repeat back what you hear to them - list options and vote (put what people say on the whiteboard so they know they are heard)
- the strong silent type - using post it notes to vote helps - talk to introverts one on one after meetings and pay attention to them, focus - ask questions wait for answers
- the complainer - whine and act defeated - stay positive but realistic - just state the facts and how they'll be addressed
Focus on the long term - be deliberate with who you have relationships with. difficult people change if you change. with your support and interest people can change.
where does success come from? it's not projects or work, it comes from people
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